Has anyone ever told you that you were strong willed? I have! I know now that having a “strong personality” helped to guide me to the path of rest and healing under the shadow of The Most High; even though I took the “long way” around.
You see, it was the realization of my utter brokenness that preceded my total submission to God! I, like my parents, tried to numb the pain of my scars with drugs and alcohol. Funny I know!; I resented them for the same thing that I was doing? Why?
When you live in an unhealthy and abusive environment for an extended period of time, you seem to develop an “emotional” attachment, no matter if it is an unhealthy one. You become “comfortable” in your uncomfortable!
I want to tell you that my time in the wilderness of self destruction was short but I can not. I was attracted to broken people with baggage of their own. It felt “normal” being around those type of people but something deep inside me kept me from losing total control. It was the Holy Spirit and he spoke loudly when I was in my kitchen one night throwing every dish from my cabinet against the wall! He posed a question that was so clear; “Is this who you want to be?”
I spent years trying to “do life” my way! I insisted upon taking the long and winding road to the cross. I truly believe that I have a deeper sense of appreciation for my salvation today because it came “to life” through complete brokenness. If you are willing to step out in faith, then your Father in heaven can give you a new start!
The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Psalms 37:23-24.
Wow, what a promise! Did you read the part about you never falling? How awesome is that?
Shortly after I discovered that I had to deal with my pain head on, I got on my knees and told God that I was broken and my life was so messed up! (Like he did not already know!). You see, the decision to live my life for God was an act of obedience. In the past, I let my emotions rule my decisions no matter how unhealthy. If your decisions are based on how you “feel”, then you will never mature in your walk with Christ. It is a choice! He gives you free will; Yes or no! One thing I have learned is blessing follows obedience!
Even though Jesus was God’s son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered. In this way, God qualified him as High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him. Hebrews 5:8-9
If you truly want to break your pattern of misguided choices and their consequences, then make a choice to surrender to the only one that can truly heal your wounds and use your brokenness for His Glory! You can heal through serving others.
I again leave you with a song that speaks volumes about the faithfulness of God!
Until next time!
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